About five months have now gone by since the COVID-19 pandemic hit Europe. We’ve seen countless photos of patients in hospitals and followed the case and death numbers first rise and then eventually fall. Now the cases are rising once more and we prepare to face the much-discussed second wave. I’ll be the first one to confess that I’m not mentally ready for the social distancing that we did back in March and April. But I’m fairly sure that’s where we’re headed. And that really sucks.

I follow the news daily. Partly thanks to my current job, but also out of my own interest. In any case, I have been aware of almost all major news related to the pandemic that has been published in Finnish media. A trend I noticed especially during the earlier stages of the pandemic were the positive, uplifting articles that emphasized the sense of solidarity that many felt in the face of the situation. Here in Finland, people started placing teddy bears and encouraging notes in their windows for passers-by to see, for example. And I love it. I see the teddy bears waving in the windows on my daily walks. Unfortunately, these uplifting messages and the sense of solidarity are far from my personal experience with the situation.

The COVID-19 pandemic has turned me angry, selfish and petty. I got into an argument with my next-door neighbor very early-on. I have literally punched my cell phone and thrown it around for minor frustrations. As soon as the situation in Finland got better, I sighed with relief. The shitshow was just starting in South America and Africa, but I couldn’t have cared less. I was just happy to be able to see my friends again. The main point was that life was getting back to normal for me. And these thoughts really bother me.

I have always prized my own kindness and empathy. When I was younger, I would go way out of my way to help others and sacrifice my own well-being for the sake of others’. Not anymore. And this makes me partly proud of myself and then again sad. The pandemic has kind of highlighted all of it. There’s only so much suffering you can and should carry on your shoulders, and yet you should also think of others as well. For me, this whole thing has been one big lesson in balancing between taking care of others and yourself.

I’m fairly sure I’m not the only one who has noticed that the pandemic puts certain limitations to the empathy we might have gotten used to feeling. I’ve seen a rise in a specific “us vs. them” type of thinking, talking and writing. It might be us Europeans versus those Americans or it can be those who are for face masks versus those who are anti-mask, for instance. Considering the amount of uncertainty we’ve had to bear these past five months and the scale of this crisis, I’d say it’s understandable that our sense of empathy has been temporarily restricted.

The number of COVID-19 cases has been rising in Finland lately along with many other European countries. At this point, I am able to worry about both Finland and the rest of the world again. We’re in the same boat for now. I’ve found my empathetic side again. However, based on my experiences from last spring, it’s possible that quite soon I’ll only think about Finland and myself once more. And I find it extremely embarrassing. Then again the selfishness also makes me feel very human. 

There has been some positive changes in me, too. Never have I ever followed the transition of spring to summer as I have done this year, or appreciated the trees and plants the way I now do. I’ve always enjoyed going for long walks, but my mind has typically wandered somewhere so far off that I wouldn’t see what’s around me. These days I walk and gaze at the surroundings, taking in the smallest details and finding immense pleasure in seeing different flowers bloom. I have also learned to value my health and body in ways I never have before due to health problems I’ve struggled with these past few months. I have found out what the things in life are that truly matter to me.

If you’ve had quite enough of reading about the pandemic (or of me talking about myself), why not check out some poetry by Jenni and Leo in this newest BTSB issue? Or maybe a short story by Anthony? You’ll also find an introduction to Wicca by Daniélle and my journey into biochemistry through making homebrewed kombucha. Meanwhile Annika asks why people put others down through their own individualism, and Leo shares his views on the concept of happiness in Latin America and Finland.

This is my last chief editor’s note as I step down from the position and hand it over to Daniélle. I would like to thank the whole BTSB team for their hard work this past year. You make me very proud of this little magazine of ours.