I distinctly remember being eight or nine, holding a PS2 controller with its little mushroom-shaped buttons, circles, squares, and triangles. —Okay, so, “holding" might be a bit misleading.... Squeezing is more like it. I was in the middle of losing a virtual car race to my year younger cousin, who was infinitely more adapt at all things PlayStation, and well...cars. And, ok, ok, even if we forget the cars, I simply hated those little mushroom buttons that never seemed to make the cars or characters on the screen go where I wanted them to. If I tried to drive straight down the slightly grainy three-dimensional street, I would just end up crashing into a ditch, driving through a display window.... or my personal favorite...plummeting over the mountain roadside-railing until the video game car disappeared into the pixel mush, which I can only assume is the very matter that holds us mortals and the great unknown apart. Eventually, my cousin, who probably took pity on me and my poor coordination skills, suggested we make a game out of it, namely, finding the most creative way to wreck video game cars...Yeah, I think that speaks for itself.

In all honestly, it wasn't only cars though. We played all kinds of games like Monsters inc. and the SEGA classic Sonic the hedgehog, where characters had to run, jump, kick, and break things in order to beat back some big bad boss. Needless to say, I lost every single time. This was somewhat of a surprise to me, as I’ve always been a firm believer in practice makes perfect, but I just couldn’t get a grip on how the hand—eye coordination between the controller and screen worked. This pattern of bitter loss ran its course all the way through middle and high school with me losing at Sly Cooper to my best friend... and her little brother, all the way to accidentally burning down the lovely houses I'd spent hours upon hours building in The Sims 2 universe, where the building, creating, and decorating part was the only thing that kept bringing me back. It was the actual “playing” the game part that had me very disconnected. I didn’t really comprehend what it was that had so many of my peers sitting by their screens for hours, making characters run around in digital boxes like there was no tomorrow. I tended to lose interest—and quite frankly direction—in the first fifteen minutes of trying to jump off one cliff to another just to complete some arbitrary task... So, when it came to playing video games or computer games, I did not mind them, I just did not see how people could get so invested and immersed in them.

I suppose it's safe to say I had a somewhat indifferent relationship with all things gaming. All though, in hindsight, video games really should have drawn me to them like a moth to a flame. Most of them do have components that are quintessentially me; a storyline to explore, art and character design, escaping the dreary every-day life into fantastical make belief... These are all things that individually covered and still do cover my interests and likes. For example, I’ll happily admit that I love stories so much that you could easily find younger me so into a mythical adventure bound between covers that more often than not –and much to my parents’ dismay—I'd be found with my nose buried in a book for hours on end even on a sunny day perfect for outdoor activities. Why this never transferred into a love of video games or gaming in general, I don’t know. I’ve been thinking about it in terms of writing this article and throwing some ideas around. I speculated

it could be the whole three-dimensional dilemma since, as previously mentioned, my coordination skills lacked in... well, every way. Or maybe I just played with people who were too good at what they were doing? Destined to lose every match, myself and my avatars sharing the shame probably didn’t boost my gaming confidence. What’s surprising, is that I never considered that perhaps I simply had not yet found the right kind of game for me.

Long story short, video games and I got off on the wrong foot, and for the longest time they were not on my short list of ‘hell yeah’ activities. It wasn’t until recently one of my good friends decided he would start streaming his gaming sessions, which I was of course going to watch, because friends support friends, that had gaming pique my interests. That’s why I am continuing the proud tradition of BTSB's “I was wrong about”—articles with admitting that I was wrong about gaming.

That’s right ladies, gents and everyone in between, beyond or over, you heard it here first; I was wrong. Now, I can only imagine the shock some of you might be experiencing as there are a very many people who believe I would never admit to such a thing as being ‘wrong’. However, that is a common misconception, I really do enjoy being right about a lot of things, but on occasion, it can actually be really fun to be proven wrong every now and then. In fact, realizing I was wrong about video games being ‘boring’ and simply just not for me, was one of the best things to happen to me during this lousier than average semester. Allow me to explain.

My year as Chief Editor has been an exceptional one in many ways, but the constant theme of living through a pandemic has been strongly present in all my Chief Editor's notes. That is partially why I hate to state it once again, during –over a year—now living in a drastically changed and in many ways limited world of ours, we’ve all had to find new ways to fill our days with. Many have taken up baking sourdough bread, some have learned new languages –in fact, a little bird (pun so intended) told me on good authority that the percentage of Italian learners has gone up by over 50 percent since this year's Eurovision contest...I wonder why that could be—, and some have taken up new projects. My friend is no exception to this phenomenon and his new streaming adventure came up just in time, because as I mentioned, I was in the middle of a ridiculously taxing university semester and my go—to reality escape plan a.k.a reading fiction till I pass out, was becoming hard to do for the sheer lack of available focus I had. So, when I joined in to watch my friend's first Twitch stream, I'll admit my attitude was that of not high expectations. Just to clarify, I didn’t expect it to suck, I just did not expect to enjoy it as much as I actually did.

Thankfully, my friend had chosen a game that was very different from anything I had ever tried out as I was instantly captivated. No car races, no blue hedgehog with a serious jewelry obsession, and no little creature trying to jump onto a moving thing from another moving thing to fry my brain with complex coordination. Three dimensional spaces, ugh, am I right! No, instead, the stream transported me to a whole different world. It was like sitting in a movie theatre after the lights finally dim down, the curtains open fully, and the chatter dies down. Then the sound system starts playing the carefully crafted tune custom made to match the scenery spreading onto the silver screen. Meanwhile I’m just home, on my couch, about to get drawn into an adventure that could easily rival most of the books I’ve got stacked up on my bookshelf. Eerie music, dark winter forest that reminded me of the thick pine woods of the great white North and an unreliable narrator with a mystery to solve. Lump all those things together and what do you have? A captivated audience of one yours truly.

The game in question was The Long Dark by Hinterland Studio Inc. According to the game’s official website, “The Long Dark is a thoughtful, exploration-survival experience that challenges solo players to think for themselves as they explore an expansive frozen wilderness in the aftermath of a geomagnetic disaster. (2021)”. From a viewing point of view, I dare say the game delivers what it promises. What more, it made me want to try my hand at exploring a new and exciting environment with animation to die for, views to soak in, characters to fall in love with, and most importantly, a storyline to keep me on my toes.

Another limiting aspect of this pandemic has obviously been the lack of adventure opportunities. It’s not like I can actually go hiking in the Canadian woods. Not to mention, even without the pandemic, there are some limits reality sets to adventuring…like, say, slaying dragons, since according to current science they don’t exist. Bummer. So, after a particularly grueling day of non-stop distanced learning and teaching, thinking I could not possibly stare at the computer screen for another minute, one of those updates for programs –like an honest to gods message from the damn universe—popped up letting me know I should try my luck in a world filled with magic, dragons, and drama. In true capitalist fashion the update had prompted an add for BioWare’s Dragon Age: Inquisition, a character and plot driven role-playing adventure game that came out almost ten years ago, letting me know it was on sale for practically nothing.

True to myself, I declared ‘there are far more silly things to waste money on than escape from reality’ and embarked on an adventure that really did captivate me. I’ll spare you the details, but 121 hours and the whole scale of human emotion later, I had played my way through the whole game never once bored or finding myself emotionally disconnecting. somewhere around…let’s say 50 hours into the game, I think I realized I wasn’t playing to win so much as I was playing for the experience. Even though Emerson is the last person I expected to be bringing up in this article, my whole realization about videogames, computer games, and just gaming in general can be summarized nicely by a quote of his, “It’s not the Destination, It’s the journey.”

The games I’d played before I had been playing “for the destination”, the act of actually getting there had been somewhat of a chore. It wasn’t a journey I was enjoying, so the only joy I could get was from victory. And considering my track record with winning…not a lot of joy received there. A part of me finds it so silly to be writing an article about how I was wrong about videogames because I had not yet found one I liked, because presumably most gamers have their favorites just like we all have our likes and dislikes. However, it was not for the lack of trying different games, but more so the kind of games that were out there for a nine-year-old girl, or even a middle schooler… In all honesty, I still remember thinking that gaming was mainly a hobby intended for boys. I’m not saying that it is, but younger me definitely felt that way, what with the selection of car and wargames covering the majority of the game selection at our local supermarket. Now, being older, I totally recognize that a lot of girls were probably also into those games, but for me, they were not what fun was all about.

If someone had told nine-year-old me, “We’ve combined all the things you love about the books you read and we made a game out of it and now you get to play as one of the characters!” I probably would’ve jumped at the opportunity. But instead, it’s like I was playing games compiled out of dictionaries instead. No wonder they never made an impression. Nevertheless, years later, now having dipped my toe into the world of video games, I find the water to be a bit warmer, as I’ve finally experienced the journey that explains just how you can get “so into gaming”, never mind the destination.

In conclusion, I was wrong about videogames, and I couldn’t be happier about it.

SOURCES: The Long Dark. Available at: https://www.thelongdark.com/survival-mode/ (Accessed: 11 June 2021).