It’s Valentine’s Day – again – and our chief editors tasked us with writing something fitting to the theme. Out of all the themes in the year, this is always the most difficult one for me. What should I write about? It kinda has to be romance themed… unless you take the Finnish route and write about Ystävänpäivä (“Friendship Day”). And since at the moment I don’t have a single romantic bone in my body and Tinder frustrates me more than life itself, I shall talk a bit about friendships. I’ve had many different kinds of friendships throughout the years, short and seemingly ever-lasting, healthy and not, the list goes on forever. So, let’s start from the very beginning (at least almost).

When I was younger, I didn’t really have many friends. I was bullied a lot in elementary school and middle school and I was the outcast of my class. I only had friends when someone else, for a brief moment, gained a similar status. Well, I don’t need to be a therapist to know that any and all of my commitment issues probably stem from this. I’m not going to lie to you, it was rough. I hope many of you cannot relate. Fortunately, I was lucky enough to have my cousin around. We’re only a year apart in age, but she lived so far away that we only got to meet up once or twice a year.  Any time our parents would allow us to talk on the phone, we did so eagerly, but honestly, the calls were never long enough (this was back in the day, when landline calls were the only option and costed a pretty penny). We used good old snail mail as our main source of communication, and we still have some of the letters saved. I’ll spare you (me) the most embarrassing details, as we were teenagers after all, so yeah, cringe. Nevertheless, nothing makes me smile more fondly than remembering us gushing about the newest Harry Potter book, or how I cried exactly 1,5 tissues worth when Sirius died. Without my cousin being a constant in my life, I would’ve been utterly miserable. Later, halfway through middle school, I made friends from other grades and thank goodness none of my old bullies went to the same high school as me. I ended up having a couple of tightly knitted friend groups in high school, which was a wild experience for me after all those years of bullying. I cannot believe that it’s been so many years since we hang out during free periods at the mall nearby or planned our weekends over lunch. High school was fun, and I still have many friends from that era. Unfortunately, as life has gotten more hectic due to studies and work, we only manage to meet once or twice a year with the “old gang” - as we humorously started calling ourselves, ringing truer with each passing year. And I don’t think it’s ever been all of us for years now.

Overall, I think that friendships formed in schools are quite special. You get to spend many years together talking about the things you find interesting. In high school extracurricular activities and elective studies bind you together, which means that it might require a bit more effort to find those friends. Whereas in higher education it is a slightly different process, as you are already surrounded by people fascinated by at least one thing you are too. I’m obviously not saying that finding friends is ever easy, but for me, starting conversations feels a tad bit easier as we at least have something in common. Higher education studies are also great at broadening your friend groups. Even if you’re born and raised in that city, many of your classmates aren’t. They’ll teach you things about your native country that you never knew and make your life so much richer. If you play your cards right, you can also make international friends! I’ve been a tutor to exchange students, which was one of the best experiences I’ve ever had. Showing them around and teaching them how to navigate a foreign culture is so much fun. You also get to meet really amazing people and learn so much about them and their culture. I’ve also done two exchange semesters, and if you have a chance, I wholeheartedly recommend you go. The life skills you gain from learning to navigate your surroundings and dealing with cultural differences are invaluable. And the people you’ll meet there! It’s just worth it.

Another interesting form of friendships are the so called “work besties”. I think we’ve all heard of the concept, mayhaps even experienced it once or twice already. I’ve seen countless tiktoks and memes on this topic, from sharing what’s best about having a work bestie to making fun of the concept. In my opinion, work besties are the best. Just knowing that you’ll be working with them on that awful evening shift on Friday helps so much. When you know that you get to be yourself and have fun while working… it really does wonders for motivation and coping at work. Work besties also do the same job as you do, so they know your pain and can relate on a completely different level than your other friends. I mean, even if you aren’t on the same shift, you can still message them to complain about the mundane details of the day and they’ll absolutely get it. It’s a shame then, that work besties do not often turn into long-term friends. Unless you quite deliberately make a habit of meeting outside of work and doing regular things together, if – and when – one of you finds a new job, communication often withers and at some point, ends. That binding factor of working together is no longer there and what else do you really have to talk about? Of course, this is not necessarily a bad thing and it’s perfectly fine just to talk about work. In the end, work besties are great, and I highly recommend them – even if you don’t become real life besties.

Social media makes it easy to kinda stay in touch with people, and I love it. It allows me to be happy for a former work bestie in their new endeavors and for a friend I once knew when studying abroad who just got married. It keeps me in the loop, even though most likely I’ll never talk to them again. So yeah, not all my friendships have been long, lucky, and successful. Sometimes friendships end. They might break beyond repair, and you’ll never hear from that person again. Sometimes it’s just time working their magic and sometimes it’s something you or they did. I don’t often hear people talk about how much losing a friend hurts. I’ve dealt with this more times than I’d like. There’s been the slow death of a friendship, where we’ve drifted apart so slowly that one day, months or years later, I realized I don’t know them anymore. There’s been that quick separation, seemingly out of the blue that has left me devastated, confused, and hurting. I’ve even been through that mutual goodbye, where you look the other in the eye and know deep down, that this is the last interaction you’ll ever have. If you’re going through any kind of loss of friendship right now, remember, just like when breaking up with a partner, you’re allowed to grieve. You’re allowed to go through all the stages, and honestly, I encourage you to grieve. Take time and wallow. Get help if needed – that person was important to you and now they are gone. Later, you’ll be able to remember your time together fondly, or at least be able move on. If you are the one who did something wrong, take time to reflect and learn from your mistakes. What has been done cannot be fixed, but you’ll be a better friend in the future. Also, cut that toxic friend out, they’re not worth keeping around.

Every friendship is different and equally precious. Some friends are closer to you than others, but that’s just how the cookie crumbles. I have friends I meet weekly, those I meet maybe once or twice a year, and those I’ve never met outside of the internet. Some I message daily, some maybe once a year. All my friends are beyond valuable to me, no matter if I’ve known them for a month or for decades. Maintaining friendships takes time and effort – but isn’t it rewarding? Take care of your friends, for they are the ones that truly are there for you through thick and thin. With these mushy feelings I’ll be leaving you, dear reader. Whether or not you have a significant other this Valentine’s Day, remember that you are loved and important to people around you. Sometimes they just don’t know how to express this, as love that is not romantic love, is often downplayed in our society. Tell your friends how much they mean to you, it might be very awkward at first for all parties involved, but the more you do it the easier it gets. I promise. Happy Friendship Day!