I open up a can of beerYes, I know, It's a lie! I'm not a real man as I don't drink beer I drink long drinks and cider just like my little sister I hope you're all happy now

Anyway, I open up a can of cider and take a sip of the sugary nectar Honestly speaking, this feels rather pointless as it doesn't taste like alcohol nor is it better than soda but I guess it does the trick You see, drinking booze is rather awful I don't eat dog poo for supper either so I'll just stick to my girly drink and watch the world change, can by can It's filled with joyful colors and scents pineapples, strawberries, apples and pears Oh, wait, that was just me staring at the empty drinks after ten of those my apartment still stinks. Ok, fine, the world might not have changed but it is true that alcohol makes every girl look pretty

However, my friend, you must stay cautious a few too many and that "girl's" name is Bobby don't worry, it was an honest mistake could have happened to anyone, I feel your pain next time just try to remember: if it has a beard and it drives a truck for a living it's probably not a teenage girl.

But surely alcohol is the world's greatest dance instructor sorry Marco, but that's just how life goes After a couple of pints anyone can dance with godlike moves besting Jacko himself until the very next day something awful happens: a video with your trademark moves is uploaded and somehow those glorious moves from last night look a lot like Rick Astley trying out the moonwalk I personally think the "Tjernobyl child playing ping-pong" is an epic move but perhaps from now on you should keep it a secret.