The stars impart their weekly dose of wisdom for you lost souls.

	Aries March 21 – April 19 Scientists at the scene will invent a whole slew of terms to describe your condition.
	Taurus April 20 - May 20 Pay attention to the voices in your head - you will be tested on them.
	Gemini May 21 - June 21 There are two types of people in the world: those with a chance at salvation and you.
	Cancer June 22 - July 23 Pisces is in your sign this week, but don’t get your hopes up - it’s just stopping by to ask for directions to Aquarius.
	Leo July 24 - August 22 It’s ok, only Christians are supposed to respect the Ten Commandments.
	Virgo August 23 – September 22 The stars say you will be ‘more or less executed’ this week; whatever that means.
	Libra September 23 – October 23 Your mother would be ashamed of your new found hobby if it wasn’t her idea in the first place.
	Scorpio October 24 – November 21 The stars have decided to discontinue their relationship with you. It’s just not working out. No, it’s not you, it’s them.
	Sagittarius November 22 – December 21 Why?
	Capricorn December 22 – January 19 You won’t do anything morally or socially wrong this week but that won’t be from lack of trying.
	Aquarius January 20 – February 18 You’re in for a rude awakening this week when you find out that being judged by a jury of your peers does not involve the founders of any major religions.
	Pisces February 19 – March 20 That wild pre-pubescent fantasy you have had since you saw the dog trying to hump the cat will come back this week. Make sure you’re prepared - don’t forget the rubber bands this time.

[tags]horoscopes, september[/tags]