The Shore
December. I have got into the habit of walking to the shore in the dark. It’s a little way off from my house, and getting there in the dark is often difficult, since I never carry any light with me. Before the shore there is a patch of woods. Walking through there without seeing much, the lowest branches usually hit and scrape my face. I shiver all the way, because I rarely dress warm enough.
On the shore the waves are loud. I tend to walk along the shoreline, my shoes licked by the water with every coming wave. I walk and walk until the wind, the noise of the ocean, the cold all bite deep into my flesh and make their way inside me. Then I go back home. I always go to sleep before the sunrise and wake up when it’s dark again. Inside my small house it is not much warmer than in the night outside.
Sometimes there is a man on the shore when I get there. He always has on a fine, black suit, not from this time, and a black, wide brimmed hat. On each finger of his pale hands there is a golden ring, some of them adorned with colourful jewels. Most of his face is obscured by the hat, but I have been able to make out that his teeth are perfectly white. I think he must be handsome.
The man usually comes along on my walks on the shore. When I first met him I had a hard time understanding him. His speech did not sound like speech at all! It sounded like the crackle of logs burning slowly in a fireplace. Little by little, I began to make out words, then sentences. The man often starts by asking me about my day. We talk about little things, this and that. Before leaving, however, he always asks me the same question: will I stay and watch the sunrise with him? Although the man’s company delights me, I have yet to agree. When I return home after our walks together, the sun still down, I feel anxious, but nevertheless unable to not go back the next night.
Last night I walked with him longer than before. It rained and the wind threw the drops in my face like little rocks. I did not feel like going home alone and nearly stayed with him, but in the end decided otherwise. At home I started to regret my decision.
Tonight it is colder than usual. I left my coat home and I am on my way to the shore. The wind has stilled the clouds above; it is not raining. I can’t see anything and make my way only by memory and feeling. It is so cold. I am losing feeling in my fingers and toes. Usually the sound of waves helps me through the woods, but now it is dead silent. It takes me some time to find my way and I feel like I hit every branch there is to hit. Blood runs down my face from the fresh cuts that the branches give me.
Finally, I reach the shore. A new, narrow opening in the clouds gives me enough vision to make out the shoreline, but it nevertheless looks shapeless in the dark. It is so cold now that I have a hard time moving my limbs, and so I sit down on the sand. Tonight feels like a good night to watch the sunrise. I look around me for the man, but I can not see him anywhere. Maybe he will show up later, but for now, I will sit here.
After a while, I realise I can not move anymore. “That’s alright,” I think, “the sun should be up soon.” I can’t remember when I last saw the sunrise. I start to get a bit nervous about missing it, since even the narrow opening in the clouds is closing. The clouds feel heavy indeed, so heavy that it looks like they are reaching down to me. Tiny bits of cloud are falling around me now. It is snowing. The snowflakes feel fresh on my bare hands and head. It snows for some time. The shore around me, the woods behind me, they are not dark anymore. The whole world has shape again, I can see that now. All around me, everything, even me, has a new look to it. Then the snowing ceases and the clouds begin to part a little. I look towards the offing, and there is a thin, red streak there now. The man is still not here but it is okay, I can do this on my own as well.
Slowly, slowly, the red streak grows and the sky lightens. O clouds unfold! The stars become visible. I think I have never seen them before. So beautiful they are now! But they can not compete with the sun. Finally, it raises its face and throws a glow on everything here. The ocean, the snow, the sand, all around glows and glimmers, and it is like the stars in the sky have come down here and are now in everything. “It is just fine that I can not move,” I think.
I close my eyes. When I open them it is warm, and a light rustle can be heard in the leaves above.
