Horoscopes for December 24, 2007

The stars impart their weekly dose of wisdom for you lost souls.

	Aries March 21 – April 19 The stars wish you a very happy holiday because you are the greatest person in the world.
	Taurus April 20 - May 20 This week will see your dreams come true when Christmas and wrestling are combined thanks to you, a mean batch of eggnog, and one unlucky Santa impersonator at the mall.
	Gemini May 21 - June 21 The holidays are a time for giving. But you’re right, in order for there to be giving, someone has to do the taking.
	Cancer June 22 - July 23 There’s no good news on the horizon this week. You will hear that Christmas song one more time and so help me god.
	Leo July 24 - August 22 You will make the holidays great for your best friend this week, who is happier to see you in more ways than he can say.
	Virgo August 23 – September 22 You’ve never put much faith in Kwanzaa because it’s just a made-up holiday. Then again, that’s the reason you never put much faith in Christmas or Chanukah either.
	Libra September 23 – October 23 Things will hit a new low this week when, thanks to PETA, you are forced to fly coach class around the world to deliver all those presents.
	Scorpio October 24 – November 21 The Earth will briefly shake this week when you admit that ok, fine, the holidays aren’t all that bad, I guess.
	Sagittarius November 22 – December 21 Get ready because during this week you will see more terrible sweaters than anybody should ever have to.
	Capricorn December 22 – January 19 The ghosts of Christmas Past, Present, and Future will visit you this week and cause you to give away all your money. But at least you’ll realize that being friends with somebody that works for you is all that really matters.
	Aquarius January 20 – February 18 You can rest assured this week after the stars inform you that Jimmy Stewart is indeed annoying as hell in “It’s a Wonderful Life”.
	Pisces February 19 – March 20 The stars hope you have a safe and happy holiday.