The stars impart their weekly dose of wisdom for you lost souls.
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Aries March 21 – April 19 Boo hoo. |
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Taurus April 20 - May 20 You will be faced with your most difficult case yet this week when you are assigned to explain why such a small Swedish town has such elaborate detective facilities. |
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Gemini May 21 - June 21 You will learn first-hand what “turning Japanese” means this week. It will be the greatest dream of your life. |
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Cancer June 22 - July 23 It has been said that predicting the future could be a side-effect of drug use. Unfortunately, it has not been said where said drugs can be found. |
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Leo July 24 - August 22 Absolutely everything in your life will become more interesting this week when you compare it to economics. |
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Virgo August 23 – September 22 Your computer will crash this week because God hates you. |
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Libra September 23 – October 23 You will have an argument with your drunken boyfriend this week. The argument will not be caused by a disagreement nor by your boyfriend’s drunkenness, but by the fact that your boyfriend is a jerk. |
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Scorpio October 24 – November 21 Falling asleep in class this week will show you that school hasn’t changed much over the years. |
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Sagittarius November 22 – December 21 This week you will be hit by a car and afterwards be proud of all the damage you did to that guy’s BMW. |
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Capricorn December 22 – January 19 You will be forced into a position of power this week when a player on the other team gets a two minute minor for hooking. |
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Aquarius January 20 – February 18 The stars move in accordance to laws of physics, so don’t blame them for what happens to you this week. Blame physics. |
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Pisces February 19 – March 20 This week you will be stricken with writer’s block while making up the horoscopes. How lame is that? |
[tags]horoscopes, february[/tags]